The Way I Love
By
Lindsey Goddard
I hope it doesn’t hurt you
That I dream of cracking you
Open like a walnut,
Crawling inside
And hiding in you,
Where it’s warm and safe
Like a teepee made of you
Around me.
That is simply
The way I love.
Nobody understands the longing
In my faulty heart that rips me apart.
How I’m too full and too empty,
So that I’m driven mad by contrast.
Yet, sometimes, I think
Maybe you do,
And for one second,
A hopeful delusion saves me,
And I know I would
Follow a path straight to
Oblivion’s depths for you.
I feel strongly that there’s
Too much space between us.
Too much mass,
These skin sacks, these meat suits
Filled with veins, blood cells,
And bones that would dance if they
Weren’t tethered in place
By dormant desires,
Familiar faces,
Tired tendons,
Mournful muscles,
And fucked up fascia,
Longing for freedom,
Longing to mingle and mix,
The bloody wet pieces of us,
Coalescing into a gory stew
Of me and you.
I’m sorry
I can’t get enough
Of what I crave
And I crave you,
Because my soul is a hole;
My pain is acid rain,
Pouring down.
Without your light
Only hurt grows from the dirt.
When I hope for rebirth,
My true affliction is the fiction
Of our love, which never was--
Only in my mind,
That sad, fervent minefield
Of fuckery--
Because, let’s face it,
No one could ever love
A creature who must
Always dig deeper,
Never satisfied,
Always searching for some sign
That another could ever love
As deeply as she does.
So, why must you scream
If I slice you open and place
My still-beating heart next to yours
Beneath your glistening rib cage
Where they both swell,
So beautiful, side by side,
As they drain and pulse
Their last pulse together?
I’m sorry
If it hurts.
I’m sorry
That I love you
So much.
Lindsey Goddard is an author of dark fiction, poetry, and true crime, living in Missouri, whose short stories have been published in e-zines such as Gamut Magazine and Carnage House, as well as in anthologies such as Error Code and The Asylum of Terror, Vol. 1 and 2. Her work has been performed on popular podcasts like Creepy Podcast and Chilling Tales for Dark Nights. She is the author of four short story collections, two poetry books, and a novel, Ashes of Another Life. For more information, visit: LindseyBethGoddard.com
By
Lindsey Goddard
I hope it doesn’t hurt you
That I dream of cracking you
Open like a walnut,
Crawling inside
And hiding in you,
Where it’s warm and safe
Like a teepee made of you
Around me.
That is simply
The way I love.
Nobody understands the longing
In my faulty heart that rips me apart.
How I’m too full and too empty,
So that I’m driven mad by contrast.
Yet, sometimes, I think
Maybe you do,
And for one second,
A hopeful delusion saves me,
And I know I would
Follow a path straight to
Oblivion’s depths for you.
I feel strongly that there’s
Too much space between us.
Too much mass,
These skin sacks, these meat suits
Filled with veins, blood cells,
And bones that would dance if they
Weren’t tethered in place
By dormant desires,
Familiar faces,
Tired tendons,
Mournful muscles,
And fucked up fascia,
Longing for freedom,
Longing to mingle and mix,
The bloody wet pieces of us,
Coalescing into a gory stew
Of me and you.
I’m sorry
I can’t get enough
Of what I crave
And I crave you,
Because my soul is a hole;
My pain is acid rain,
Pouring down.
Without your light
Only hurt grows from the dirt.
When I hope for rebirth,
My true affliction is the fiction
Of our love, which never was--
Only in my mind,
That sad, fervent minefield
Of fuckery--
Because, let’s face it,
No one could ever love
A creature who must
Always dig deeper,
Never satisfied,
Always searching for some sign
That another could ever love
As deeply as she does.
So, why must you scream
If I slice you open and place
My still-beating heart next to yours
Beneath your glistening rib cage
Where they both swell,
So beautiful, side by side,
As they drain and pulse
Their last pulse together?
I’m sorry
If it hurts.
I’m sorry
That I love you
So much.
Lindsey Goddard is an author of dark fiction, poetry, and true crime, living in Missouri, whose short stories have been published in e-zines such as Gamut Magazine and Carnage House, as well as in anthologies such as Error Code and The Asylum of Terror, Vol. 1 and 2. Her work has been performed on popular podcasts like Creepy Podcast and Chilling Tales for Dark Nights. She is the author of four short story collections, two poetry books, and a novel, Ashes of Another Life. For more information, visit: LindseyBethGoddard.com
